Preventing Burnout When You're Parenting an Autistic Child

You've found out you have an autistic child and now in addition to being a Mom, cook, chauffeur, house keeper, administrator, referee and scheduler you've added speech therapist, occupational therapist, advocate and a whole lot more; How do you do all of this with out burning out?

I decided on this day -- Mother's Day -- it would be a great time to delve into this subject.

Here is a list of some things you can do:

Take time for your self
If it's a day or just 10 minutes, schedule time away from everything. Do this without guilt. Write down on a peace of paper that this is my time and I will not be burdened by any form of guilt, schedules or things not done.

Enjoy something you love
When you are taking some of YOUR time try spending some of it enjoying something you love, that makes you happy, calm or at peace. This could be as simple as watching a favorite TV show, reading a book or enjoying a hobby. Immerse yourself in whatever it is and enjoy it fully. Never let any form of guilt attach it self to these activities. Always remember this is your time.

Connect with parents that share things in common
Parenting when it's weighted done by dealing with autism, can not only be overwhelming but it can be time consuming and leave you at home alone a lot. There are groups such as Parent to Parent that connect parents with a child with disabilities to other parents or with support. There may also be a variety of play groups or parenting groups in your local area. If you don't know of any try calling your local child development or early intervention center or ask a teacher, therapist or school. Autism play groups or support groups often have activities or knowledgeable baby sitters that work or play with the kids while the parents get together and talk, so you're not only doing something for yourself you are doing it for your child also. Ask if other siblings may attend too; when I went to some of these groups I had a younger non-autistic daughter and she was welcomed into the play group also.

Connect with people that share hobbies or interests in common
This is different from the above. Connect with people that share your hobbies or interests. You may be saying to yourself, "but I don't have time!" The Internet has made it very easy for people that share interests to connect. There are message boards for book clubs, most of the TV shows and all kinds of hobbies. Try looking some up. Also don't forget to actually physically get together with other people that share your interests. If you schedule some of these, even if it's just once a month, you'll find that it's really not that time consuming and it's fun. There are hiking , Horseback riding, gardening, book clubs and many more. Remember to do this for yourself and do it without any guilt, impending schedules or other burdens sabotaging it.

Get Help
If you are overwhelmed and can't seem to dig a way out get help before you burn out. Sometimes a single visit to a therapist will not only make you feel better but will start getting you connected with the help you need. Teachers and therapists also many times can point you in the right directions. There are also churches and other organizations that will lend spiritual help and guidance. I will add lastly to ask a supportive friend or family member for help. I know from experience that with autism family relationships and friendships can be complicated at times so make sure the person you ask is truly supportive to you.

Mother's Helpers
There are so many young adults out there that will gladly help out for a small fee. They can play with your kids while you get things done or just help you out with the household chores. Even if it's just a couple times a week, it might give you so much relief. I've found that many teens are more open and excepting than some adults I know.

Babysitters
Here in NH we have a respite center that connects parents with autistic children to knowledgeable and trained in home care for their child. There is also a fund for parents that can't afford it. If you can't find a babysitter try looking up one of these respite centers in your area. Here is a link to a National Respite Network.

Organizers
Yes the classic organizer may be a life saver, but there are more ways to organize than that which can help. Try having a notepad on the counter, in your purse on the fridge. When thoughts come to you that you don't have time for write them down. At the end of the day go through your notes and write the important ones on your to do list in your organizer or wherever you may keep it. Bookmarks on the computer are also a very handy tool. When you look something up you may not have time for it right now or you may find it useful at another time. When you book mark something though don't just hit bookmark, create folders and organize the links into the proper folders so you won't be searching through hundreds of bookmarks later.

Beware of unsupportive relatives or friends
Having unsupportive relatives of friends can be difficult and hard on you even when it's not complicated by having a child with autism. When you have an autistic child it can be heartbreaking. Just remember if it happens to you you're not alone; you're not the first one this has happened to. It would be a great subject to bring up at a support group. You'll be amazed at the ugly and sad stories you will hear. It will also help to get some advise on how to deal with it. What ever happens don't take it personally. Dealing with disabled people can be a tough subject for many to broach, some people just need more time or clarification and exposure before they can adjust. In the mean time always fall back and rely on positive support systems.

There are many other things that I could mention and I will most likely write on them at another time. The last and most important thing I will mention is:


Beware of Guilt
It's not something that you may think openly of but guilt can be ever present in your life and causing a heavy weight load without you even realizing it.

Guilt easily becomes a heavy burden to us if we're not careful. Guilt is not something you may think of unless you're a therapist or seeing a therapist, but it can creep into your life and take over the way you do or deal with things. You may find that you are not taking time for yourself because ____ <---- insert guilt reason here. Try asking yourself honestly if you feel guilty for your child's diagnosis or not doing enough for him. Just acknowledging that guilt might help you. If you can't overcome guilt then try getting help (see above). Do you know something else that helps you or you think may help? Leave a comment below.